Boo You!
by sawyerzelda
Summary: this is my sequel to my story entitled Anything But Ordinary (which u should read b4 this)! more randomness and mayhem! CGL is back in bizness, and a new girl makes everyone's head spin. plz r&r! this story is now done!
1. Drew, Meryl, Zero and The Newbie

A/N: more crazy wackiness LIVE!! located @ camp green lake! prepare urself for randomness, roooomance (perhaps), peril, and LAUGHTER!! MUA HA HAAAAAAA!  
  
Disclaimer: seeing as how i'm not louis sachar, i do not own holes. although i wish i owned zigzag. (lol laurie). neway, read on, readers!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Boo You!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Warden stood proudly in front of her cabin and looked out among the dry lake. "Ain't it beautiful, Mr. Sir?"  
  
"Um....yeah," Mr. Sir answered, glancing briefly at the landscape then turning back to his autographed picture of Nicole Kidman. "If you say so."  
  
"The stupid AG was actually thick enough to believe I had changed my ways, and would not torture the children here any longer! THE FOOLS!! BUA HA HAA!!!!" the Warden cackled evilly. "Heh, and they wanted someone to come watch me to keep me on my toes, but the good ole AG trusted me too much!!"  
  
"It was a mistake, weren't it?" Mr. Sir asked.  
  
Meanwhile, in D-Tent.....  
  
"It sure feels nice to be home," St. No-No sighed sarcastically. "My parents were just getting used to me again, too.....hey, did I just dis myself?"  
  
"No, I get what you mean," Dude said, jumping onto her cot (having forgotton how hard they were). "OW!"  
  
"Hey, do you guys remember Twitch?" Eloisha asked randomly. "We never got a replacement for him, did we?"  
  
"Nope," responded X-Ray. "Now that I think of it, you're right. Hmmmm...."  
  
"Actually, I heard Mr. Sir and the Warden talking about someone new coming in," Zig Zag said. "Only ..... instead of a boy, it's going to be--"  
  
"A MAN!!" Starfish shouted. "ORLANDO BLOOM, RIGHT?! Hm, I wonder what he could've done to--"  
  
"Starfish, please let me continue," Zig Zag interrupted. "As I was saying, we're getting a girl in instead of a boy, because the Warden thinks there are too many guys in D-Tent for no apparent reason. So you gals'd better get ready to break in a new member any day now."  
  
"Goooooooooooooood morning, D-Tent!" said Mr. Pendanski, striding into the tent. "Let's all hustle on down to the cafeteria! Now I know that you may be a bit tired since it's your first day back, but that don't make a difference now, does it?"  
  
D-Tent trudged miserably down to the cafeteria. "Sleeping in is what I miss most about home, I think," Ukulele Peanut yawned.  
  
"I second that," Armpit...seconded.  
  
"Hey, what's up with you?" Magnet asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" Armpit inquired.  
  
"You don't...." Magnet sniffed the air. "You don't smell as bad as you used to."  
  
"Oh, that," Armpit said, looking a little embarassed. "Well, my parents said that I smelled worse that three dead skunks and rotten eggs when the first saw me again--"  
  
"No wonder everyone in the train station was staring at you," Eloisha muttered.  
  
"Actually, I think they were staring at Drew Barrymore and Meryl Streep," Dude said. "Or the Casablanca-esque goodbye between you and Zero."  
  
Eloisha buried her face in her hands and began to randomly sob uncontrollably. "ZERO!! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Woah," said X-Ray in a shallow voice. "You like Zero?"  
  
"I liked his afro," Ukulele Peanut recalled.  
  
"Zero was the only person I ever met who could actually sit still long enough for me to draw a good picture!!" Eloisha cried.  
  
Zig Zag stared at her. "WOW! Elisha, you actually admitted that you're art is good!! Congratulations!!"  
  
"What?" asked Eloisha.  
  
"This is amazing!" Squid said. "You actually, like, didn't insult a picture you drew! You're always saying that they 'aren't good' or something.'"  
  
"Very funny, guys," Eloisha sighed.  
  
"Not trying to be funny," Zig Zag said. "Just pointing something out. And you know what, I just realized something...."  
  
"That the phrase 'chicken fingers' is misleading?" Hammer asked him.  
  
"No, I miss Zero, too!" Zig Zag sobbed. "Oh NO!! I'M GETTIN' DEWEY- EYED!! AAAAAAAAAAUGH, THE POOR LITTLE KID!!!!"  
  
"Don't worry," Hammer consoled him, patting him on the back comfortingly. "He's got Meryl Streep and Drew Barrymore working for him, so I think he's doing ok."  
  
"Why, they'll find his mom in no time, I'm sure of it!" Squid said. "Hey, St. No-No, that reminds me. My mom says that she recieved a voo-doo doll of George Bush from you the other day...."  
  
"That's the only problem with you," St. No-No snorted. "You stupid Republican!"  
  
"Hey, I'M not a Republican, I'm Independent!" Squid said.  
  
"Yes, but are you MISS Independent?!" Dude asked before breaking out into a chorus of that song.  
  
"Dude, that song is so old," Eloisha said. "How can you be singing it?"  
  
"Would you rather me start singing She-bangs?" Armpit asked.  
  
"Um--no."  
  
"Hey look, there's a bus pulling up!" Starfish noted. "It must be the new kid!"  
  
D-Tent ran to the window of the cafeteria to get a better look.  
  
"OH MY GOSH, IT'S MERYL STREEP!!!" St. No-No shouted. "AGAIN!!"  
  
"AND DREW BARRYMORE!!" Squid shouted.  
  
"Zero!" Eloisha cried, pushing through her peers and running out into the desert. "Hey, Zero!"  
  
"Yo, Pucca person!" called out Drew, recalling the fact that Eloisha had been wearing a Pucca T-shirt the day they met. "We found this guy's mom!"  
  
"Really? You found her?"  
  
"Yeah," Zero said, shifting the weight of the backpack he was carrying. "It turns out that she's been looking for me too...."  
  
"It was truly a magic moment when they saw each other again for the first time," Drew informed Eloisha.  
  
"Yes," Meryl agreed. "But those poopy police people insisted that Zero come back here, just because he stole a hot dog in the city." She rolled her eyes, muttering under breath, "Cops."  
  
"And now I'm stuck here for another year," Zero said. "But I don't mind, because this place is really like my second home. Or rather my first home."  
  
"That reminds me," said Drew. "Are you in D-Tent, with Zero?"  
  
"Yes," Eloisha answered.  
  
"In that case, meet your newest fellow inmate!" Meryl said. "Tess, c'mere!"  
  
A gal with short blonde hair bounced off the bus and shook Elisha's hand. "Hi, I'm Tess. And don't get the wrong idea about me, 'cause I'm not a criminal. You see, I was--"  
  
"Tess says she was framed," Drew finished for her. "But, innocent or not, she's been sent here for the next couple years."  
  
"I've worked with her dad," Meryl says. "He does commercials."  
  
"Ohhh, coolioso!" Eloisha said, beaming. "Well, Tess, you must come and meet all the others, I'm sure they're dying to see you."  
  
"Okey-dokey, artichokey!" Tess said.  
  
Eloisha stared at her blankly. "Um.....right."  
  
"Well, bye," Drew said bluntly, giving the three of them a little wave. "I'm off to go make Charlie's Angels Three!!" They all gave her surprised looks, causing her to add with exasperation, "I was just kidding."  
  
"It has been a pleasure getting to know you, Zero," Meryl said, as she and Drew boared the bus again. "Tah-Tah!"  
  
"Cheerio, dahlings!" Drew said in a strange British accent as they drove away.  
  
Eloisha led Tess back to the cafeteria, where D-Tent was waiting anxiously.  
  
"My fellow evil-doers, please welcome our newest D-Tent member, Tess," Eloisha said. "She'll be with us for a while, so why don't y'all introduce yourselves?"  
  
To make a very long story short, they did. But if you want me to list their names, I will........no i won't.  
  
"Well, you ready to start diggin'?" St. No-No asked Tess.  
  
"As ready as I'm ever gonna be," Tess answered.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~**~**~**~*~**~~  
  
A/N: well, there's the 1st chapter o' part 2! i hope u liked!! plz review as i write the next chapter, to be posted soon! BUA HA HAAA! 


	2. Tess Gets A Nickname

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~**~**~**~*~**~~  
  
A/N: D-Tent members include the following ppl--Zig Zag (Ricky), Magnet (Jose), Squid (Alan), X-Ray (Rex), Armpit (Theodore), Zero (Hector), St. No- No (Nora), Starfish (Kathy), Dude (Elise), Ukulele Peanut (Caroline), Eloisha (Elisha), and Hammer (Casey). And Tess, too, I guess. TEE HEE!! ding dong dang, elisha!  
  
**********************  
  
"OKLAHOMA, O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A!! OKLAHOOOOOOOOOOOOMA! YEOW!!" Tess sang in a loud voice, as she saw the water truck coming.  
  
"Um, are you from Oklahoma, by any chance?" X-Ray asked, giving Tess a hand to help her out of the hole she'd just dug.  
  
"Actually, um, no. I'm from New York."  
  
"New YORK?!" Dude asked incredulously. "Then what the freak are you doing in Texas?!?" (a/n: actually, elise does live in ny but not in this story! bru ha haa!)  
  
"Hey, I love Rodgers and Hammerstein!!" St. No-No declared, just realizing what Tess had been singing. "And so does Bernadette Peters! I like Bye Bye Birdie, too."  
  
"What a coinky-dink!" cried Magnet. "Me too! WHEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
Mr. Sir got out of the truck and began filling everyone's canteens. "Mr. Sir, do you have any sunflower seeds you'd like to give me?" Magnet asked quietly.  
  
"NO!!" Mr. Sir yelled loudly. "I stopped eatin' them stupid things a long time ago! Got back to smokin'. It's healthier, anyway."  
  
"Are you cuh-razy???" Tess asked, jumping to the front of the line. "Smoking ain't good for your health, see? It'll give ya lung cancer and make yer gums ugly and make you smell bad, etc!"  
  
"Yeah!" Zig Zag said. "My grandpa died from second-hand smoke; you could be trying to murder us and we wouldn't even know it!"  
  
"Now hold on, kids," Mr. Sir said, waving his hands to try and make them quiet.  
  
"Mr. Sir, I think you're setting a bad example for us rotten kids," Armpit said. "Shame on you, boy!"  
  
Mr. Sir looked at them, then took his cigarette out of his mouth. Grinning, he threw it behind him and D-Tent cheered. Unfortunately, Mr. Sir had not taken careful aim upon throwing his cigarette and it landed in his car. Also unfortuantely, there had been a gas leak in the car and what followed thereafter was--  
  
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!! ("Ka-boom?" Dude later asked)  
  
The kids and Mr. Sir were sent flying backwards and they all landed in a gigantic heap (except for Mr. Sir, who landed in Squid's hole).  
  
"Woah, that was sweet!" Squid exclaimed, holding the tooth that had been knocked out of his mouth. "I'm bleedin'!--cool!"  
  
Dude spit some dirt out of her mouth and shook her head. She removed her leg from underneath Armpit, then remarked, "Let's do that AGAIN!!"  
  
"That was just like that scene from Charlie's Angels Full Throttle," commented Ukulele Peanut, shaking a scorpian off of her hand. "Hm. Too bad Drew just missed it."  
  
(Meanwhile, on an airplane with Meryl, Drew sneezed lightly. She excused herself, saying, "Someone must be talking about me.")  
  
"Geez, I TOLD you smoking was bad for you!" Tess reprimanded Mr. Sir. "You almost got us killed back there!"  
  
"This guy can't win," Squid muttered to X-Ray. "Zig says he'll kill us with second hand smoke, and now Tess says he almost blew us up. He's a mass murderer either way."  
  
"True, but they were both right," X-Ray stated.  
  
"I give up with you people!" Mr. Sir huffed. "I'm outta here!" And with that, he headed for what remained of his car. Fuming at the fact that there were only ashes left, he stalked towards the Warden's cabin.  
  
"WELL BOO YOU!!" Tess shouted.  
  
"Oh, that reminds us," said Eloisha taking a pad of paper out of her back pocket. "Us girls devised a quiz for you to take."  
  
"A quiz?"  
  
"Yes, it will help us decide what your nickname is," Eloisha said matter-of-factly. "So, here's your first question: What sound is most commonly associated with a ghost?"  
  
"Um....boo?" Tess asked.  
  
"Correct! Ding ding ding!!" Dude said. "Okay, second question: What is the first name of the Radly dude in To Kill A Mockingbird that refuses to come out of his own house?"  
  
"Boo, right?" Tess asked, trying to remember.  
  
"Ya got it," Starfish said, as Eloisha checked something off on the paper. "Now, Question three: What is the name of the little girl from Monster's Inc?"  
  
"Boo," Tess answered, beginning to see where this was going.  
  
"That's right again," Ukulele Peanut said. "And now, a fill-in-the- blank question: Peek-a-___, I see you!!"  
  
"Boo," Tess responded after a short pause.  
  
"A-HA!! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS BOO, DIDN'T YA?!" Dude yelled. "WELL, SORRY, MISSY, BUT YOU'RE WRONG!! THE ANSWER IS--"  
  
"Boo," Eloisha said slowly, staring at Dude with confusion.  
  
".....what?!" Dude asked, grabbing the paper from Eloisha and looking at the paper. "What happened to the trick question we put in there? I thought that the answer was nickel!"  
  
"Peek-a-nickel?" Zig Zag asked. "Um, I don't think so."  
  
"Okay, one more question," said Hammer. "What does B-O-O spell?"  
  
"Boo," Tess said in a bored, Daria-like voice.  
  
"Hey, you got a hundred percent!!" St. No-No said. "Congrats!"  
  
"Hmmm, it appears that you like the word 'boo,' Starfish said, going over the paper.  
  
"Yes, Tessy boos a lot," Magnet commented.  
  
"Tessy? Since when is she called Tessy?" Irene asked.  
  
"Irene?! Who's Irene?" asked Squid.  
  
Irene looked around. "Whoops! Wrong story! Sorry!" She disappeared.  
  
............................................  
  
"Hey, that's a great idea!" Eloisha said, as she and everyone else decided to ignore what had just happened completely. "Tessyboos!"  
  
"Yes, we've clarified that already," Ukulele Peanut said slowly.  
  
"No, no, I mean that should be her nickname!"  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmmmm, okay," Tess (or "Tessyboos") agreed. "I'm cool wid dat."  
  
"That's grand!" X-Ray said. "But I guess we should all get back to diggin' our holes now, eh?"  
  
"Mm-hm," Dude said dully. "Geez, I sure wish there was some way to pass the time."  
  
"Why did the gum cross the road?" Ukulele Peanut asked them excitedly.  
  
"Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot," everyone answered dully.  
  
"Noooo, BECAUSE IT WAS MUTATED GUM AND IT HAD LEGS!!!!!!!!!!! GUMBY!!! HA HA HAAAAAAAAA! GET IT?! GET IT?! A HA HA HA HAHAA!!!"  
  
"Uh-oh," Hammer said. "She's had too much sugar again."  
  
"Too much sugar'll make you fat," Tessyboos warned them, punching Armpit's stomach for a visual. "Like him. See, he didn't even feel it."  
  
"Feel what?" Armpit asked.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Are you calling Peanut fat?" Starfish asked. "You poophead!"  
  
"No!" Tessyboos answered. "I was just stating a fact, stupid!"  
  
Starfish gasped softly. "Are you calling me fat?"  
  
"Wha--how'd you get the idea that I was calling you fat?!"  
  
"You called me stupid, and stupid people are ugly, and ugly people are fat," Starfish answered immediately.  
  
Tessyboos stared at her. "............I don't get your logic."  
  
"That's okay; no one does," Zig Zag whispered to her.  
  
"HEY, I HEARD THAT!!" Starfish sobbed.  
  
"You meanie!" Dude said to Zig Zag. "Now you've gone and hurt her feelings! Poor Starfish....it's okay, we understand everything you say."  
  
Starfish sobbed uncomprehensibly into her arm.  
  
"What did she just say?" St. No-No asked prior to recieving a slap in the forehead from Eloisha. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR, FOUR EYES?!"  
  
"Hey, you can't call me four eyes!" Eloisha barked. "You've got glasses too!"  
  
And then a heated fight started between Eloisha and St. No-No as they argued over whose glasses were cooler. Everyone decided to ignore them as they had Irene and continued to dig their holes.  
  
************* plz review! 


	3. Attack of The Celebs!

A/N: yay, its nice 2 b writing like this again!! anywho, let me do this b4 u read:  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters, things, or places from the book Holes! Louis Sachar does!! Nor do I own Matt Damon, Lindsay Lohan, or.....my friends. But they can't really sue me, since I have their permission to put them in this story. Anyway, Eloisha, that's a disclaimer, which is what you need to write a story.  
  
read on!  
  
The next day started with what the last one had ended. A fight.  
  
"YOU DIRTY LITTLE LIAR!!"  
  
"YOU FREAKING FREAKAZOID!!"  
  
"BUBBLE BUTT!!"  
  
D-Tent woke up to see Tessyboos and Armpit having a mighty row outside, yelling and standing about ten feet apart.  
  
"What's going on?" X-Ray yawned, rubbing his eyes and stepping out of the tent wearily. "Why're you guys fighting?"  
  
"Armpit just told me that--"  
  
"Shame on you, Armpit!" X-Ray said, waggling his finger at the fat dude. "Why, you're the only person I can think of who would even imagine picking on a newbie!"  
  
"He was not 'picking' on me," Tess said. "He just lied to me."  
  
"Ohhh, so that's why you called him a dirty liar," said Dude understandingly, walking out of the tent as well. "It all makes sense now."  
  
"Um....yeah. So what did this pathetic excuse for a living being say to you?" X-Ray inquired of Tessyboos.  
  
"He told me there was a pot of gold in a hole next to the shower stalls," Tessyboos explained. "Of course, I wasn't thick enough to fall for it, but I did go over to the stalls and happen to walk by a very large hole. Apparently, SOMEone had planted some yellow spotted lizards there!! AND THEY TRIED TO KILL ME!!"  
  
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!" Armpit yelled.  
  
"PUT A SOCK IN IT, SPANKING HEAD!!" Tessyboos shouted back.  
  
"......what's a spanking head?" Eloisha asked, failing to stifle a yawn as she came out of the tent as well.  
  
"...yeah, what IS a spanking head?" Armpit asked. Everyone stared curiously at Tessyboos, waiting for her to respond.  
  
"Um....I don't know, but so's your old lady," Tess responded. She stuck her tongue out at Armpit and stalked towards the cafeteria.  
  
"Armpit, you jerk!!" Dude shouted, jumping on top of him as D-Tent walked past them to the cafeteria. "Lying to a newbie, how DARE you!!" She proceeded to beat him up, making him pay for his actions. "IF I EVER HEAR OF YOU DOING THIS AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL--"  
  
"You wouldn't be doing this if I'd lied to Stanley!!" Armpit protested.  
  
Dude considered momentarily. "True, but that's only because Stanley is Stanley." She stood up, dusted herself off, and left Armpit dying as she strode into the cafeteria.  
  
"Hey, Dude, what happened?" Zig Zag asked her as she sat down between him and Starfish. "You're breaking a sweat."  
  
"And I haven't even started diggin' yet," Dude panted, wiping her brow.  
  
"Hmm...you didn't beat him up, did you?" Starfish asked, peering out the window. She nodded, saying, "It looks like you did."  
  
"He had it comin'," Dude assured them. "He only had himself to blame. If you'da been there....if you had SEEN it..." She turned to Zig Zag (who had not been there and had not seen it). "I betcha you would have done the same."  
  
"I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!" Hammer and Magnet suddenly gasped.  
  
"What?" Dude asked. ".....oh yeah."  
  
"What movie?" Eloisha asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Chicago!!" Starfish answered, jumping up in the air. Then she whipped out a small basket of rose petals and skipped around the cafeteria, throwing them about.  
  
"Well, someone's obsessed," remarked Zero.  
  
"I'll admit the rose petals were a bit much," Dude said (as Starfish continued to leap and distrube them, singing "la la la's").  
  
"Ew, you people watched that sleazy movie?" Tessyboos asked, rather annoyed.  
  
"Yes, we have," Squid answered.  
  
Tessyboos stared at them a few moments more, then got up and walked away. "Wellllllll, that was interesting," commented Zig Zag. "Well, I'm done fer now. We'd best get going." He stood up, only to freeze as he heard loud, obsessive screaming coming from outside the building. "What the...?"  
  
They had only heard that kind of screaming before, when Ben Affleck and J. Lo had come to Camp Green Lake. That could only mean.....  
  
"MORE CELEBS!!" Starfish cried, another basket of rose petals at the ready.  
  
"I wonder who it is?" St. No-No....wondered, glancing out the window. "Oh, wow! It's Matt Damon and Lindsay Lohan!"  
  
".......WHAT?!" Eloisha and Squid cried in despair.  
  
"What, don't you like them?" Zig Zag asked.  
  
"You must be joking," Starfish sighed.  
  
A clash of a gong was heard, and suddenly both Eloisha and Squid were wearing black ninja outfits. Everyone stared at them as they made their way towards the door.  
  
"Okay....I'm goin' out," Eloisha whispered. "Squid....cover me."  
  
"Right."  
  
Eloisha walked towards the opposite side of the room. "EVERYONE CLEAR THE RUNWAY!!" she shouted. Everyone except D-Tent quickly milled out of the cafeteria to get out of her way and to meet Lindsay Lohan Matt Damon.  
  
Then, at full speed, Eloisha ran towards the doors. "Does she need to make this so dramatic?" St. No-No muttered to Zig Zag.  
  
"Of course she does," he answered. "Don't you ever watch samurai movies?"  
  
"Okay, but Eloisha!" St. No-No called. "The doors open the other--"  
  
!!SPLAT!!  
  
"...........way."  
  
Forgetting that the doors had to be pulled from the inside, Eloisha ran straight into them, subsequently falling to the floor.  
  
"Um, are you okay?" Zero asked.  
  
"..................................ouch..............................."  
  
Tessyboos came back into the cafeteria. "I've got paper and a pen, but I can't get close enough for an autograph. Could someone come help m--"  
  
"Sure, I'll help ya!" X-Ray volunteered.  
  
"Meeeeeeee too!" Magnet said, willingly skipping out the doors.  
  
"And I, as well," said Squid, hopping out the door after all the others.  
  
"HEY, ARE YOU DUMPING ME???!?!!!" St. No-No asked, chasing after Squid.  
  
"Hmm, someone's popular today," remarked Ukulele Peanut.  
  
By this time, Eloisha had gotten up. "Geez, thanks for the help, guys," she mumbled sarcastically.  
  
"Your welcome," Ukulele Peanut said sincerely.  
  
The cafeteria doors suddenly burst open again, this time admitting none other than the two people this whole hubbub was about (namely, Lindsay and Matt).  
  
"Phew, we're finally out of there!" Lindsay sighed. "It's like a jungle out there."  
  
Starfish floated towards Matt Damon, her eyes all-a-sparkle. "MATT DAMON!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?? PLEASE??????"  
  
"Well, that's sort of what I was trying to avoid out there, but....okay," he obliged. "Since there's just the one of ya."  
  
"NOO, STARFISH, YOU TRAITOR!!" Eloisha shouted, now back to her fully restored health. Emitting a blood-curdling war cry, she flew over a table and onto Matt. Well, at least she would have if he hadn't, at that moment, proclaimed, "Ooh, a penny!" and bent down to pick it up. So she missed Matt, but landed on Lindsay instead.  
  
"Hey, what're you DOING?!" Lindsay demanded, suffering several severe whacks from Eloisha. "GET OFF ME!!"  
  
"Not a chance!! BUA HA HAA!!" Eloisha laughed rather evilly (not to mention uncharacteristically). "Not until you promise never to make another movie again!!"  
  
"Hey, c'mon! What did I ever do to you??"  
  
"Nothing personally, now that you bring it up, but you are STILL EEEEVILL!!!"  
  
"Woah, has she been anywhere near your sugar, Peanut?" Dude asked.  
  
"I don't think so," Ukulele Peanut answered. "I mean, unless she knows where I keep it. But I don't think she does."  
  
"SOMEONE GET HER OFF ME, PLEASE!!" Lindsay cried desperately.  
  
Suddenly, a gunshot went off and everyone turned towards the entrance. The Warden stood there, holding a rifle, with Tessyboos standing next to her.  
  
"Eloisha, what're you doing?" the Warden asked, yanking her off of the young celebrity.  
  
"Nothing," Eloisha answered.  
  
"Okay...." The Warden raised an eyebrow. "Why... why are you wearing a ninja outfit?"  
  
"Oh. Um. Ha....I thought it was Halloween," Eloisha answered, shrugging.  
  
"Well, you'd be well of knowing that it's the middle of April," the Warden informed her. "Seems that you and Squid both have the months mixed up." She glanced out the window at Squid, who was still wearing his ninja outfit.  
  
"Hey, here she is!" said Magnet, also appearing in the doorway. "GUYS, SHE'S BACK IN HERE!!"  
  
"Ack, help meeee!!" Tessyboos cried, jumping behind Starfish.  
  
"Are you calling me fat?" Starfish asked.  
  
"WHAT?! OF COURSE I'M NOT CALLING YOU FAT!!!"  
  
"Yeah, but obviously you're trying to hide behind something, and equally obviously you'd want to hide behind the biggest thing you could find, so you are therefor calling me fat."  
  
"I only tried hiding behind you because you were the person closest to me!!"  
  
"....yeah, right."  
  
"Why are you hiding from the guys, anyway?" Dude asked Tessyboos. "I think you're a bit confused, because that's what you WANT them to do."  
  
"What're you talking about? It's getting stalkishly freaky," Tessyboos said, coming out from her "hiding" spot.  
  
"Hey, there she went!" said Squid. "She was hiding behind Starfish this whole time, I didn't even see her."  
  
"Are you calling me fat?" Starfish asked, turning to him.  
  
Squid rolled his eyes. "No, I was just joking. But we're not stalking you, Tessyboos. Jeez, don't get so paranoid. We just think you're cool."  
  
"Perky," Dude said.  
  
"Cool."  
  
"PERKY!!"  
  
"COOL!!"  
  
"GUYS, STOP!!" shouted Saywerzelda, interruping the story-telling process. Then she left. There was silence.  
  
"All right, all in favor of ignoring that, please raise your hands," said the Warden. She counted the number of hands that went up. "Okay, that never happened. Anyway, are you Lindsay Lohan? Can I have your autograph??"  
  
"Um, yeah, sure," Lindsay said, penning her name. "Hey, you're Sigourney Weaver!"  
  
"You know, I get that all the time," the Warden said. "But I'm not Sigourney Weaver, even though we have this really incredible likeness, don't we?"  
  
"Yeah, you do."  
  
"Well, I guess you guys'll be wanting to leave this dump, wouldn't you?" the Warden sighed. She put an arm around Lindsay as they headed out the door.  
  
"Wait a minute, I didn't get a chance to beat up Matt Damon!" Eloisha protested.  
  
The Warden turned around and looked from Matt to Eloisha. Then she continued on her way, saying, "Have at it."  
  
A/N: well, i hope u liked that. interesting, huh? btw, I personally do not hate lindsay lohan. i think she's ok. however, eloisha apparently despises her, so........yeah.  
  
this chapter was made possible thanx 2 the letter Z and the number 14 plz review! 


	4. Babetta The Hologram

A/N: yay, another chapter! sry it took so long 2 update--i've had no internet service 4 like 5 weeks. AAAUGGGH!! its been crazy. newho, on w/ the story!  
  
"Ah, what a beautiful mornin'," Starfish sighed, looking out the stained glass window of their tent.  
  
"Um, tents don't have windows," Ukulele Peanut informed the author.  
  
"Oops. You're right," I acknowledged. "Thank you, Peanut."  
  
--TAKE TWO--  
  
"Ah, what a beautiful mornin'," Starfish sighed, staring blankly at the green canvas color of their tent.  
  
"How can you tell it's beautiful if you haven't looked outside yet?" Dude asked.  
  
Starfish shrugged. "I dunno."  
  
Meanwhile, in the other side of the tent--  
  
"So Zero.... what is Drew Barrymore like?" Zig Zag asked.  
  
"Is she really a little girl that's lost?" X-Ray asked (referring to, in case u didn't know, barrymore's autobiography called "little girl lost").  
  
"Um, I don't know," Zero said, shrugging one shoulder.  
  
"Dude, what're you DOING?!" Magnet asked.  
  
"NOTHING!" Dude called from the girl's side of the tent.  
  
"WE WEREN'T TALKING TO YOU," Squid called to her.  
  
"But Zero, why did you just do that?!" Zig Zag asked.  
  
"Do....what?"  
  
"You shrugged just ONE shoulder!" Armpit told him. "Like, one! Instead of two! Unlike a normal person!! And don't you know who used to be around here that shrugged only one of his shoulders?!?!"  
  
"Erm....no. Barfbag?"  
  
"Barfbag?" Magnet asked in confusion. "Oh yeah! I forgot about him! He was like eons ago. Anyway, the point is, Zero--STANLEY is the one who used to shrug only one shoulder. Like, the really nerdy dude whose name is a palindrome."  
  
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME NERDY?!" Dude shouted from the other side of the tent again.  
  
"NO, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT STANLEY," X-Ray informed her. "Geez, how does she hear us?"  
  
"It must be her innate hearing system," Squid said. "She used it all the time to spy on me. She was always accusing me of infidelity."  
  
"Is that why you dumped her?" Zero asked.  
  
"No. I just dumped her for St. No-No, that's all."  
  
"I HEARD THAT!!" Dude shouted, follwed by a loud thud.  
  
"OUCH!!" they heard St. No-No cry. "HEY!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, DUDE! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!"  
  
"SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE, POCHAHONTAS!!"  
  
St. No-No gasped loudly. "I can't BELIEVE you'd call me that!"  
  
"You should prepare yourself to believe anything at this time," Starfish said. "Considering how mad you're making Dude right now."  
  
"Hm."  
  
Suddenly, Squid appeared out of no where in the girls' side of the tent, dressed in a blue tux and seated in front of a large Grand Piano. He put on a pair of dark sunglasses and cleared his throat, staring at the two fighting female delinquints.  
  
Dude stopped choking St. No-No for a moment to hear what he had to say.  
  
"I would like to dedicate this number to my ex and to St. No-No," Squid said in a cool, deep voice. "The ever avid Beatles fan."  
  
Eloisha raised an eyebrow. Ukulele Peanut was busy tying Hammer's shoelaces together and not paying any attention whatsoever to what was going on.  
  
"Hey, Dude, don't make it bad," Squid sang. "Take a sad song, and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, when you begin, to make it better."  
  
"Bettah, bettah, bettah, bettah, bettah YAHHHHHHHHHH!" sang Magnet, Zig Zag, Zero, Armpit, and X-Ray, suddenly appearing right next to Squid. "NAH, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAAAH! NAH NAH NAH NAH!! HEY, DUDE!!!! NAAAAH, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAAAAAAH!!! NAH NAH NAH NAAAAH, HEY DUDE!!!!"  
  
"What the freak?!" Dude asked.  
  
"That's--that's like--a BEATLES SONG!!" St. No-No gushed, clasping her hands together. "Only they say 'Jude' instead of 'Dude.' I love that song!"  
  
"I hate that song!" said Hammer.  
  
"I KNOW that song!" Ukulele Peanut cried, amazed her amazingness.  
  
"TESS!" came a voice all of a sudden. "TEEESSSSS!!"  
  
"Who's Tess?" asked X-Ray.  
  
"I don't know," Tessyboos said, shrugging.  
  
"TEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!" the voice from outside the tent continued.  
  
"Say, wait a minute!" Tessyboos said, pointing to herself. "Isn't that me?"  
  
"Hey, I think it is," Zig Zag said.  
  
"That voice is distinctly UNfamiliar," Armpit said, tapping his chin. "Do you think it's someone famous?"  
  
"I doubt it," Eloisha said.  
  
"Never say never," Dude told her.  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"You didn't?"  
  
"No, I said, 'I doubt it,'" Eloisha told her.  
  
"Oh. Well you get my point, though," Dude said.  
  
"Um, no I don't."  
  
"THERESSA!!!" the voice shouted again.  
  
"Gasp!" gasped Tessyboos. "She knows my real name! Hey, hold on a sec- -that voice is distinctly familiar!"  
  
"She's right this way, young lady," came the warden's voice. D-Tent could hear footsteps approaching them.  
  
"Hey, that was the warden!" Zig Zag said. "Maybe you're lawyer's come to free you, Tessyboos! That is, unless you're in trouble for something .... but I doubt it, because you haven't done anything trouble worthy lately..."  
  
The group waited with bated breath as the tent flap slowly opened, admitting the Warden and then--  
  
"BABETTA?!" Tessyboos asked in shock.  
  
"Tess! There you are!" said this red-headed "Babetta" person. "Why didn't you answer when I called you?"  
  
"I didn't know who you were," Tessyboos said.  
  
"You mean you couldn't recognize my voice?!"  
  
"Hey, hey, don't get hysterical."  
  
"Anyway, Tessyboos, Babetta came here with some very important information for you," the Warden said. "So I'd like to--"  
  
"Hey!" interrupted Zig Zag. "Who gave you the authority to parade in here and tell us what do do, huh, warden?!"  
  
"ExCUSE me?" the Warden asked, placing her hands on her hips. "Would you like to say that again, Zig Zag?"  
  
"We looked up the word 'warden' in the Thesaurus last night," Squid said.  
  
"Where the heck did you get a thesaurus?" the Warden asked.  
  
"St. No-No had one," answered Zig Zag. "Anyway, we found out that 'warden' is a synonym for CUSTODIAN!!"  
  
Dude, who had been quietly scribbling something on a sheet of paper for a few seconds, tore the sheet of its pad and taped it to the Warden's forehead. In bold, black letters, it read, "Custodian."  
  
"Custodian?!" the warden--I mean, custodian--asked in shock. "WHAT?! St. No-No, give me that thesaurus!" St. No-No obliged, and the warden flipped through the book's pages. "W-A-R.... a-HA!! Warden is ALSO a synonym for superintendant! Supervisor! That means I have the right to tell you what to do, RICKY!!"  
  
"Don't call me that!" Zig Zag sobbed.  
  
"Sh, sh, it's okay," Hammer comforted him, patting him on the back.  
  
"Anyway, what are you doing here .... Babetta?" Eloisha asked suspiciously.  
  
"Hey, Babs, you missed Lindsay Lohan the other day," Tessyboos said.  
  
"Wow, really?"  
  
"Chya."  
  
"That must've been sweet."  
  
"It was, dude."  
  
"What was?" Dude asked.  
  
Tessyboos stared at her. Babetta stared at her. "Yeah. Okay. Anyway-- "  
  
"I'm sure you're all a little confused about Babetta's sudden appearance," the warden /custodian /supervisor said. "She is Tessyboos's sister."  
  
"Wow, really?" Armpit asked, staring at Babetta. "Hm. So what did you do?"  
  
"What did I....do?" Babetta asked in confusion.  
  
"Yeah. Why are you in Camp Green Lake?" St. No-No asked.  
  
"Hey, I didn't do ANYth--"  
  
"It's okay, Babetta," Dude sighed. "You can be honest with us. We don't care if you kidnapped a turtle, or robbed a candy store, we--"  
  
"You guys are all missing the point," the warden said, resting her hand on the grand piano Squid had brought in earlier. "The POINT is that--" She stopped and stared at what she was leaning on. "Um.... what's a ....piano doing in here?"  
  
"My fairy godmother gave it to me," Zero said rolling his eyes.  
  
"And who, may I ask, is your fairy godmother?" the warden asked suspiciously, actually taking the wee young lad seriously.  
  
"Meryl Streep," Squid answered, just as sarcastically as 0.  
  
"Dude," said Zig Zag. "If you're going to come up with a lie, come up with a good one. Meryl Streep is not a fairy."  
  
"I didn't say anything!!" Dude shouted.  
  
"I didn't say you di--" Zig Zag suddenly realized what Dude meant. He rolled his eyes. "Look, from now on, when we say 'Dude,' chances are we're not referring to you. Especially if you had nothing to do with the conversation."  
  
"Okely dokely, then," Dude said.  
  
"Hey, Meryl Streep!" said Babetta, a light bulb appearing over her head. "You know, my dad made worked with her once."  
  
"Yeah, that's what she told us," Eloisha and Zero said at the same time.  
  
The sister of Tessyboos frowned. "Tess, I'm afraid I've got bad news."  
  
Tessyboo's eyes widened and was suddenly speaking in an Australian accent. "Oh NO! THE DINGOS TOOK THE BABY!!" (don't ask)  
  
Babetta's brow furrowed. "What baby?"  
  
".............................I don't know. But what's the bad news?"  
  
"We're moving," Babetta sighed.  
  
Tessyboos stared at her. "We're.....what?"  
  
"We're moving," Babetta repeated. "To Utah."  
  
"UTAH?!" D-Tent erupted.  
  
"But.... but that means you won't be here!" X-Ray whimpered. He threw himself at Tessyboos' feet. "DON'T LEAVE US, TESSYBOOS!! SAY IT ISN'T SO!!"  
  
"It's so, all right," the Warden says. "Besides, it appears that Tessyboos was framed, so she doesn't even belong here in the first place."  
  
"See, I told you I was framed," Tessyboos said.  
  
"Yeah, and I remember Drew Barrymore didn't believe you," said Eloisha.  
  
"But I was innocent, I told you I was," Tessyboos said in a distant voice. "So we're really moving, Betta? To Utah?"  
  
"Don't make me say it again."  
  
"Okay....."  
  
And with that, Tessyboos promptly fainted and landed face-first on the ground.  
  
Starfish screamed over dramatically and jumped into Eloisha's arms. "Zoinks!" Eloisha cried.  
  
"Yeah, I thought that might happen," Babetta said wisely.  
  
"Well, thanks for comin' and tellin' us," the Warden said appreciatively. She tried to pat Babetta on the back, but her arm went right through the gal's body. "Um... what?"  
  
"You're not a ghost are you?" Armpit asked, as everyone stared at her curiously, trying vainly to tap her on the shoulder or shake her hand.  
  
"Naw," Babetta said, waving a hand dismissively. "Heck, I'm just a hologram! I have some connections with certain geniuses, and they got me here without my having to buy a plane ticket. Holograms--the new millenium! Isn't that just jimmy-dandy?"  
  
"Ssssure," Ukulele Peanut said, nodding slowly.  
  
"Anywho, I guess I'd better be going," Babetta The Hologram said, turning towards the warden. "I expect you to tell her everything else once she wakes up, okay?"  
  
"No problem," the Warden said, nodding.  
  
"All right! Au revior, everyone!" And with that, Babetta vanished.  
  
"Hm. Well, that was odd," remarked Zig Zag, stepping over Tessyboos' body. Everyone else followed suit; stepping over her on their way to breakfast.  
  
------------------------------  
  
well, i hope that hologram thing wasnt 2 weird. but neway, plz review b/c i'd really appreciate them.  
  
Critic: Tessyboos, r u really leaving us?!  
  
Tessyboos: ur not allowed to ask that, amanda. ur already gone.  
  
Critic: Oh yeaahhhhh! ..................i 4got.  
  
Sawyerzelda: oi vay. plz review, ppl!! 


	5. Plotless Food Fight

A/N: i miss u, tess!! but don't let me distract you (sniff) from reading the latest installment. (and dude, i hope u were joking when u said u werent continuing ur story!)

----------------------

"Boy, it sucks that Tessyboos is moving," Dude remarked, sitting down at the breakfast table.

"Yeah," Armpit grumbled. "For once there was actually optimism and happiness in this place..."

"I think some of her optimism rubbed off on me," Eloisha said slowly. "Zero, hold up your glass." Zero held it up, and Eloisha said, "Half-full."

"Half FULL?!" Zig Zag asked indignantly. "You used to always say half-empty. Hmmmm, it seems that this Tessyboos person really DID have an effect on us."

"I miss her already!!" sobbed Squid, wailing into his arm (which was on the table), and banging his fist onto his tray.

"I'm sure you'd be making this much commotion if I was leaving!!" St. No-No shouted, throwing her re-fried beans onto Squid's head.

"Sure I would," he sniffed, wiping the disgusting food off of him. "I just like Tessyboos as a friend. A FRIEND, OKAY?! IT'S POSSIBLE, YOU KNOW!! WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?! I STILL LIKE ST. NO-NO!!! STOP STARING AT ME!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Screaming his head off, Squid threw his arms over his head and ran out of the cafeteria.

Crickets chirped.

"Um, I wasn't looking at him," Starfish said. "At least, not until he screamed and high-tailed it outta here."

"Hmmmm, perhaps we should go comfort him," X-Ray suggested him.

"LIKE!!" St. No-No cried. "HE SAID THAT HE 'LIKED' ME, NOT THAT HE LOVED ME!! WAAAAH!!!!!" And with that, she, too, ran sobbing uncontrollably out of the building.

"I'm gonna go check up on Tessyboos," Eloisha said, getting up.

"Yeah, I'll come with," Zero said, following her out.

The two of them saw Tessyboos where they had left her--lying face-down on the ground of the tent. Eloisha and Zero looked at each other. Then they each grabbed one of Tessyboos' elbows and pulled her to her feet. They dumped her onto a chair, but she was still unconscious.

"C'mon, Theressa," Eloisha sighed. She slapped Tess gently on the cheek.

"Hey, is there such a thing as a 'gentle' slap?" Zero asked the author.

"Shut UP, Zero!!" Sawyerzelda shouted. "WHY MUST YOU ALL ALWAYS CONTRADICT ME?!" (and yes, u CAN slap ppl gently. i do it all the time)

"Sheesh," Zero muttered, rolling her eyes. "She is SUCH an over-sensitive wuss." All of a sudden, Zero went running head-first into the headboard of Zig Zag's cot. "OW!!" Then he kicked himself in the shins; fell on the floor, slapped himself across the cheek twice, and finally threw the piano bench from the last chapter at Tessyboos.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Eloisha shouted, catching the bench before it hit their cataleptic friend.

"I DON'T KNOW!!" Zero yelled back, looking at his hands in horror. "I didn't mean to go crazy like that just now, it just ... happened mysteriously!"

"That happened because I decided to make you do that," I (Sawyerzelda) said, laughing victoriously. "Being the author, I can make you do whatever you want. SO THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CALLING ME A WUSS!!"

Leaving them with that, the author stormed off in a bad mood.

"Well, that was interesting," remarked Eloisha, setting down the piano bench. "Although I wonder why she made you throw this at Tessyboos."

"Oh, she didn't do that part," Zero said. "I just wanted to wake Tess up, and I thought it might've helped."

Eloisha stared at him. "Have you gone completely, utterly mad?"

"Uh....no?"

"Urgle McFurgle," Tessyboos groaned, beginning to wake up. She rubbed her forehead. "What happened?"

"Zero just tried to kill you," Eloisha explained calmly.

"....oh. Okay." Then Tessyboos furrowed her brow and frowned. "Was it just me, or was my sister just here?"

"Well, her hologram was here," Zero answered.

"Ohhhh....right," Tessyboos muttered. "Uh, why did I pass out?"

Zero glanced at Eloisha then said, "You're moving."

"Oh yeah," Tessyboos said quietly (A/N: by the time u read this, tess, u will already b gone!! WAAAAH!!!). "That's gonna be hard to get used to...when will I be leaving Camp Green Lake?"

"I dunno," Eloisha responded. "Ask the Warden."

"Hey, Tessyboos, your sister left something here," X-Ray said, walking into the tent alongside Starfish.

"You mean, the hologram of her sister left something here," Starfish corrected him.

"Uh, yeah." X-Ray held out something to Tessyboos. "It has your name on it ..."

"My PALM PILOT!!" Tessyboos yelled, taking it from him. "Thanks, X."

"No problemo."

"Say, what can that thing do, anyway?" Eloisha asked, looking over Tessyboos as she played around with it.

"It's--"

"--strictly prohibited on school grounds," the Warden finished for her, stepping inside the tent. "Er, I mean, camp grounds. Hand over the palm pilot, Tessyboos. I'm afraid that I'll have to confiscate it."

"You can't do that," Tessyboos said. "It's mine."

"That may be so, little girl, but right now you're under my control," the Warden pointed out kindly. "So fork it over."

"I don't even belong here, you said so yourself," Tessyboos argued, taking a step back. "So technically I don't have to listen to anything you tell me."

"Hmmm, she's got a point," Starfish mumbled, tapping her chin with her finger. "But Tessyboos, if you don't even belong here, why are you still he--"

"ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT TO GET RID OF ME?!" Tessyboos sobbed. "THAT IS SO CRUEL!!"

"No, no!! That's not what I meant!" Starfish replied desperately. "It's just that I would think you'd want to--"

"I FEEL SO UNLOVED!!" Tessyboos cried.

"SAWYERZELDA!! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME OUT TO BE MEANER THAN I REALLY AM!!" Starfish yelled at the author. "WHY ME?!"

"Because you were the only girl besides Elisha in the room who could have said something to Tess," I pointed out.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!"

"Well, it had to be a girl that said it," I pointed out kindly. "And Eloisha had already talked to much in this scene so I thought I would give you a little more attention by giving you a line."

"It was a rude line," Tessyboos said.

"It was NOT!!" I shouted. "You see, Starfish was merely curious as to why you would possibly want to stay in this dump when you could go home."

"HEY!!" the Warden protested. "What d'you mean this place is a dump?!"

"Well, it's no Disneyland," I said, shrugging.

"Yeah, fine! I'll throw in a ferris wheel next month, now GET OUTTA HERE!" the Warden screamed.

"Yeesh! Fine, I'm outie." In a whisp of smoke, moi was gone.

"Ohhhh," Tessyboos said slowly. "So you don't want me to go, Starfish?"

"Of course not, silllly!" Starfish laughed. "I'm so desolate that you're moving."

"We all are," X-Ray said, bowing his head sadly.

"When exactly am I leaving?" Tessyboos asked the Warden curiously.

"Your family's driving by here in a few days," the Warden answered. "Then you'll be driving to Utah."

"We're DRIVING?!" Tessyboos asked incredulously. "Aw, man! That'll take a while. Especially since they're going to have to go waaaay out of their way to come pick me up in Texas."

"They should just leave you hear for a little while longer," Zero suggested.

"Uh-huh. That'd be a great idea," Tessyboos said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Of course then it would save me the trouble of having to go to a new school and everything. And a new church ..... there are gonna be so many kids there..."

"Mmm, yes, you're going to be way out there in Mormon city, aren't you?" the Warden asked.

"Well, not Mormon 'city,' exactly, because that would technically be Salt Lake City," Tessyboos said. "And I don't believe we're moving THERE. Just Utah."

"How do you KNOW you're not moving to Salt Lake?" X-Ray asked mysteriously, raising an eyebrow.

"Why do we CARE?" Zero asked rudely.

"Don't be rude!" Eloisha scolded, slapping him up-side the head.

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

"What were we talking about again?" the Warden asked.

"Um, I dunno, but that's okay because I just walked in and you can start a new conversation," Zig Zag announced, indeed walking into the tent.

"Okay," agreed Eloisha.

"Where's Hammer?" Starfish asked.

"Oh, she's outside," Zig Zag answered. "I mean, she's in the cafeteria. There's a food fight going on in there, so I thought I should come and get y'all to join in."

"Of course you say that when the Warden is standing right here," X-Ray grumbled, pointing to the woman he'd just referred to. "Nice one. Go ahead, Warden--go punish those children for causing ..... trouble ...."

"Are you kidding?!" the Warden asked. "I want in!!" She rushed out of the tent, then into the cafeteria roaring her head off.

"..............YAAAAAAH!!!!" the D-Tent kids screamed, following her as well.

"HEY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!" the Warden screamed, as a crazed lunch man threw a large cabbage at her head. "YOU'D BETTER THINK OF YOUR JOB, MY GOOD MAN!!"

"I'M THINKING OF THE TIPS YOU NEVER GAVE ME!!!" he bellowed, laughing and dumping boiled radish-n-burger casserole over the Warden's head.

"EWWWW!!" she spat, as some of it dripped inside her mouth. "This stuff is DISGUSTING!!"

"You see what we have to live with?!" Dude asked, holding a tray in front of her face to block a carton of orange juice that Armpit had just thrown. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT ONE, THEODORE!!" she yelled, taking a glob of mashed potatoes (for breakfast?) and splattering him with it. "MUA HA HA HAA!"

"How did this whole thing get started, anyway?" Zig Zag asked Hammer.

"Well, as most fights usually are, Dude started it," Hammer responded. "And, as usual, Armpit triggered it."

"Oi. What'd he do this time?" Zig Zag sighed, picking up a mushy apple and tossing it at Tessyboos.

"Erm, he insulted Tom Felton," Hammer said. "I mean, I think that's his name."

"Who's Tom Felton?" Zig Zag asked.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS?!" DUDE SHOUTED, ANGRILY DUMPING A VAT OF BARBECUE SAUCE OVER ZIG ZAG'S HEAD. "HE PLAYS MALFOY IN THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES!!!!!!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh," Zig Zag .... ohhhhhhed. "So I imagine that ticked her off."

"Chya," Hammer said, ducking to avoid a loaf of bread. "So she took her bowl of cereal and splashed it on him. But Armpit had been too distracted with his cooked carrots to notice who'd committed the felony. So he automatically accused St. No-No." Hammer jabbed her thumb in the corner.

Zig Zag looked where Hammer was pointing, and saw St. No-No sitting quietly in the corner with a book propped up on her lap; apparently oblivious to the terrible fight going on around her (even though she was covered with everything from banana peels to chocolate pudding).

"He accused St. No-No?"

"Yup. So when she continued to ignore him, he threw a waffle at her. However, he missed and ended up hitting Ukulele Peanut, so..." Hammer sighed. "That's when the mayhem started."

"Mm..."

Ukulele Peanut picked up a ketchup bottle and squirted it mercilessly at Squid (who had been salting Eloisha). "BUA HA HA HAAAAA!!!"

"Did somebody give her sugar?!" Starfish asked. "Peanut's been acting so out of character lately--it's not like her laugh evilly like that."

"Um, I threw a package of sugar at her," Tessyboos said. "Was ... that bad?"

"Oh yes," Eloisha sighed, wiping grease off of her glasses. "But I guess I'll have to forgive you, since you're leaving so soon."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

--------------------------------------

A/N: WAAAAH, SOOOOO SAD!!! (tess, next sunday is KrYsTaL and lIsEtTe'S last one!! then they go off 2 college & morgan's mad at me b/c i'm not going 2 girl's camp this yr--i'll b in philly). neway, plz review, everyone!! (anyone)


	6. Reminiscing, Wicked

A/N: oh no! i feel this story will soon be coming to an end.... sigh. Oh well! Please read this and review it!

-------------------------------

"Rise and shine, people, rise and shine!" Mr. Pendanski said early the next morning, entering D-Tent and clapping his hands loudly. "It's time to wake up!"

"No it's not," mumbled X-Ray, turning over and hugging his pillow tightly.

"I'm afraid it is, son," Mr. Pendanski said. "But if it's any consolation, you don't even have to dig today."

"We don't?" asked Squid, sitting up attentively. Then he frowned. "Man, I must still be dreaming."

"I assure you that this is not a dream," their counselor informed him. "The Warden is giving Tessyboos a going-away party in her cabin, and everyone in D-Tent has been invited. She was going to make invitations, but she ran out of time."  
  
"WOO-HOO!!" Magnet shouted exuberantly, jumping out of bed. "Hallelujah, no diggin today!"

"No digging?" yawned Dude from the other side of the tent. "What's the occasion? Or is the Warden just feeling uncharacteristically nice?"

"Tessyboos is getting a going-away party!" Armpit screamed at them with much excitement. "WE LOVE YOU, TESSYBOOS!"

"Who what when where why?" Tessyboos asked, who had just opened her eyes. She blinked, then screamed. "AHH!!! I CAN'T SEE!!! I'VE GONE BLIND!!"

Eloisha calmly walked over to Tessyboos and pulled a blanket off her eyes. Tessy stopped freaking out, looked around, then said, "Thanks."

"Dude, that was so unfunny," Starfish said.

"What was?" asked Dude. "What'd I do?"

"Nothing," sighed Starfish. "That's getting old! I was talking to Sawyerzelda!"

St. No-No gasped. "It starts..."

"What starts?" asked Hammer.

"Obviously, Sawyerzelda suffers from lack of inspiration," St. No-No said quite matter-of-factly. "This having been said, she is having trouble writing. This also having been said, the humor is getting more and more lame."

Sawyerzelda was bugged by how well St. No-No knew her.

Mr. Pendanski crossed over to the girls side of the tent. "C'mon now, ladies. The warden wants you to eat breakfast, then make a beeline for her cabin right away. She says she's got something special she wants to show you."

"Special?" Dude asked, rolling her eyes. "That sounds wonderful."

At breakfast.......

"So when're you leaving, Tessyboos?" asked Squid.

"I'm not sure," she answered. "I think sometime soon, like probably in the next chapter. Which, Sawyerzelda told me, will probably be the last."

"What?! The end? SO SOON!?" Zig Zag cried in protest. "That is just pathetic! I am so ashamed!"

"Oh, the author gave it her best shot," sighed X-Ray. "Besides .... when Tessyboos leaves, everything will be boring around here anyway."

"Hey!" protested Hammer. "Are you saying that I am boring, mister?! Because I can tell you that I'm NOT! We had some good random times before Tessy even came along! No offense meant, Tessyboos."

"None taken. I am on your side. But I am also touched, X."

"No prob."

"I wonder what it is that the Warden wants to show us?" Eloisha asked out loud.

"I don't even care," Ukulele Peanut laughed. "Anything is fine with me if it excuses us from digging .... unless of course she were to show us some movie with Barbra Streisand or something."

"That would be rather evil," Dude commented.

"Yeah, I think I'd rather dig," agreed Zig Zag.

"Let's just hurry up and eat so we can get over there," Magnet said. "You're bothering me with your mindless chatter."

"Aiyaa, so rude!" Eloisha and Dude said at the same time. For whatever reason, they turned towards each other and burst into hysterical laughter.

"Peanut, what have we told you about leaving your sugar around?" Armpit said sternly, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"They didn't get into my sugar, I swear," Ukulele Peanut said. "They just obviously thought it was funny to say the exact same thing at the exact same time. That's all it is, don't get so worked up over it."

"I heart sugar," said Dude. "But I'm not obsessive, and I don't become as freakishly hyper as Ukulele Peanut."

"Point taken," said Zig Zag. "That's good enough for me."

"Okay, well, I'm done," said Eloisha, pushing a full plate away from her and standing up. "Come on, guys. Let's see what the Warden's doing for Tessyboos' going away party."

"Righto, gov'ner," said Squid in a rather odd cockney accent, as he and St. No-No also stood up.

D-Tent marched out of the cafeteria, and out towards the Warden's cabin.

"Tessyboos, you mustn't forget to write us once you're gone," St. No-No said.

"Yes, because if you forget about us, we'll feel rejected," Magnet seconded. "And when rejected, and I shrink back into my sad place."

"Okay then.... I guess we wouldn't want that," said Tessyboos, raising an eyebrow at Magnet. "I'll write to you at least every week."

"Good. That's comforting."

When they all reached the warden's cabin, she was standing there with her hands on her hips, and tapping her foot impatiently. "Yeesh, what took you so long?" she demanded. "Do you need five hours to eat breakfast?"

"Um, correction--we were only in the cafeteria for ten minutes," Armpit pointed out. "And besides, breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," sighed the warden, ushering them all into her cabin. "Come on inside."

"WOAH!!" Dude cried. "Party streamers and balloons...?"

"Are you making a celebration out of the fact that I'm moving?!" Tessyboos shouted, extremely hurt.

"Don't be silly," the warden said, waving her hand. "It's just a going-away party, and the balloons and streamers are a reminder of how much we love you and are going to miss you, hon."

"Oh."

"Hey, what's this projector doing here?" asked Starfish, lifting a pile of party fuzz off of a .... film projector. "Are we watching a movie?"

"Is Barbra Streisand in it?" Ukulele Peanut asked worriedly.

"Yes; no," said the warden, answering both questions in a row. "I thought we might take this time to reminisce about the olden days. Some from recent times, some from B. T. times."

"What does B. T. stand for?" asked Eloisha.

"Before Tessyboos," answered the Warden. "I was going to save it for the end of the party, but since SOMEONE--" She eyed Starfish darkly "--uncovered the surprise, we might as well do it now. Go on, pull up some chairs."

Everybody did as instructed, and the warden switched off the lights. She sat down on the couch as the test pattern showed up.

"Wait, how do you have footage of us?" asked Hammer.

"Little microscopic cameras that I planted in several different locations," she answered in a rather nonchalant tone.

"I told you she had those hidden everywhere," Starfish muttered to St. No-No. "Hey, wait .... I'm onscreen ...."

Yes. The small cabin rocked with laughter as they saw Starfish and X-Ray in their heated shovel battle of last year. Starfish threw her weapon at X, and he dodged it.

"Man, I forgot all about that," Starfish said.

"Yeah, because you LOST!!" teased X-Ray.

"There's nothing funny about it," Eloisha reprimanded him, slapping him sharply on the forehead.

"Perhaps not, but THAT is funny," laughed Squid, watching Dude run out of their tent wearing bright pink.

"Yeah, that was funny," St. No-No said, trying to cover a laugh.

"No it wasn't," Dude growled, folding her arms and sinking low into her chair. Then she grinned and brightened when the next little scene came on. "Now this--this is quality comedy, people!"

Squid frowned at the sight of his feet being bitten by lizards. "That was most definately NOT cool."

"Hey, it's Ben and J. Lo!" said Eloisha, when the two celebs appeared on screen. "That was so long ago, I forgot they had come! Wow .... they were actually together back then? Phew."

"Hey, I look good on a big screen," Zig Zag said, watching as he beat up Caveman. "Especially when I'm doing that."

"Mr. Pendanski said this might be too gory for you guys, but I had to beg to differ," the warden snorted. "That little punk Stanley drove me crazy."

"I hear that," Dude said, reaching over and giving the warden a high five. Then she turned her attention back to the screen. "Heyyy, this is when all us D-Tent girls were singing 'Bring Me To Life.' Wow."

"I don't remember that," said Eloisha. "It was so long ago..."

"Hey, it's me!" declared Tessyboos, looking up at the picture. "That was when I was telling Mr. Sir to stop smoking .... and then the car blew up ...."

"Oooh, that was painful," remarked Squid, as they watched themselves all fly backwards and land in a huge pile when the car did indeed explode. "But in retrospect it was kind of funny."

"Not in retrospect," Magnet said. "Just looking back on it."

"Ooooh, that's when Lindsay Lohan and Matt Damon came here!" squealed Starfish, jumping up and down in her seat. "That was sooo much fun."

"No it wasn't," Eloisha said. "It forced Squid and I into ninja outfits to go beat them to a bloody pulp."

"Hm....."

A few moments later the little movie was over. The warden shut off the projector and turned the lights back on.

"That was so sad!" sniffed X-Ray, wiping away a tear. "Just thinking about all those old memories really made me feel sentimental!"

"What are your sentiments towards outer space?" Ukulele Peanut asked him in a rather serious tone of voice.

Everyone stared at her, then decided to ignore her.

"Before you all dig into this scrumdiddlyumptious cake I made," the warden says. "I've got some questions for a couple of you. Squid .... you'd think I'd have found this out with my li'l cameras, but where did your nickname come from?"

"It's a good story," Squid laughed. "I went fishing one time with Armpit, and then I caught like five little squids. It was pretty awesome."

"You caught squids?" Hammer asked in disbelief. "Where the heck were you guys fishing at?"

"A good fisher never reveals his secrets," Armpit said. He looked at the warden hopefully. "Do you wanna know where my nickname came from?"

"Er, it's sort of obvious," the warden said, fanning the air by her. "But Dude, why are you called .... Dude?"

She shrugged. "Everyone had a nickname except me, so the author felt compelled to give me one randomly. She was like, 'Dude--you need a nickname.' And then it hit her like a ton of bricks how brilliant the name Dude was."

"So you like it?" the warden asked.

"No."

"........oh."

And so went the rest of the day's festivities. There was a pinata, bobbing for apples (although after Armpit had managed to sufficiently drool in it, no one else played), and a rousing game of hide-and-go-seek. But in one certain round of that game, when Zig Zag (who was it) opened a closet, he got one freaky surprise.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"That's not gonna work, Zig Zag," the warden called from her hiding spot. "I don't care if you're pretending to be dying! YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME!"

"NO, IT'S--IT'S STANLEY!!" he shouted in agony.

"Yeah, right," sighed Eloisha. "Zig Zag, we all know perfectly well that Stanley spontaneously combusted last year."

"That's right, Zig," said none other than Stanley Yelnats, smirking. "You must be seeing things. Maybe I'm a mirage."

"Woah, that was most definately Stanley's voice," said Starfish. She peeked over the back of the couch and screamed. "It IS Stanley!! AIEEEEE!!!"

With that, everyone immediately zipped out of their hiding spots and gasped in horror. "How can this be??" Squid cried with terror.

Stanley shrugged. "I dunno. I was floundering around in the dark for a while, then I suddenly showed up here." He glanced at Tessyboos. "Who're you?"

"This is our new inmate," answered Hammer, putting an arm around the blonde kid. "Her name is Tessyboos. Don't get too attatched, though .... she's moving."

"Sorry to hear that, Tessyboos," Stanley said, though no one was sure whether or not he was just mocking sympathy.

"Cut the comedy, Caveman," snarled Magnet. "What're you doing here?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" asked Stanley. He laughed. "I told, I just ended up here by chance."

"Yeah, well we don't want you here!" Ukulele Peanut yelled, giving Stanley a hard shove. "SO I'LL JUST PICK UP WHERE I LEFT OFF AND BEAT YOU UP!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

"Ukulele Peanut!" the warden said sharply, causing the girl to come to a dead spot. The warden had a very dark look on her face, and Peanut's grip loosened on Stanley's shirt collar. Then the warden bent down and said, "Allow me to assist you."

"OOH, give 'em all ya got, warden!" cheered St. No-No. "Right jab! Upper cut! Take it from the left! No, no, your other left!!"

"Aw, what the heck? I'll join in," Zig Zag said.

"Hey, hey, HEY!" Tessyboos cried. "What's with all the violence?!"

"This is guy is a freaky creep," explained Hammer. "Trust me, you don't know the half of what he's like."

"Dude, I read the book," Tessyboos said.

"What?" asked Dude.

Tessy sighed, and said, "I've read Holes. So I know all about Stanley. You're not supposed to be beating him up, he's the protagonist."

"Oh," said Peanut, standing up and releasing Stanley. "Well, I guess I don't wanna be the bad guy, here, so .... you're free to go, Stan my man."

"What?!" the warden asked, as Zig Zag helped their former D-Tent member stand. "You're just gonna let him walk away like that?!"

"Not exactly," Zig said coolly. "Stanley, run away and never return. If you do, I'm sendin' the yella spotted lizards after you ... so you'd better be careful." He laughed evilly, and the rest of D-Tent joined in.

"You're all CRAZY!!" Stanley whimpered, running out of the cabin.

Armpit looked out the window. "Well, he's gone."

"Thank goodness," sighed Eloisha, flopping down onto a couch.

"We couldn't be happier," chorused the warden and Ukulele Peanut in sing-song voices. "Right, dear? Couldn't be happier; because happy is what happens when all your dreeeams come truuuuue!!!!!"

The gang stared at them. "What the freak?" Dude finally asked.

"It's a song," the warden explained. "From Wicked!"

"You've seen Wicked?!" X-Ray asked. "How?! I thought it was only on Broadway!"

"What do you think I did to entertain myself when this place was temporarily closed down?" the warden asked. "Mr. Sir and I took a trip to NYC."

"Yeah, and I saw it with my family when I was home," Ukulele Peanut. "You should all see it. It rocked."

"Was it wicked awesome?" St. No-No joked.

Everyone ignored that.

"Well, Tessyboos," sighed Squid. "We'll miss ya."

"Yeah, we really and sincerely will," Armpit said.

"Oh, guys!" Tessyboos whispered. "What a nice vibe I'm getting from this room!"

With that, there was a group hug (of which Tessyboos was the center), and then the party went on allll night.

----------woo and hoo--------------

A/N: do u guys see that box down there that says "Go" next to "Submit Review"? PRESS THE BUTTON!!


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